执着means what actually??

执着 and stubborn what is the difference???
just a sudden dream...
dream that he smile at me,call my name...
that's all...
maybe there is a lot of ppl will ask, why i cant forget him???
what he had done until i still keep remember him????
why i wan keep him in my heart and is so unforgettable???
why i wan keep him while all about him will make me down sometime???
the ans i actually also dunno...
this is what he is in my heart...
he teach me a lot about life...
he makes me know i should not be mischievous...
he teach me to live in reality (last time), he dun wan me to avoid from problem or stress each time i face...
he guide me...
he bully me sometime but also makes me happy in the same time...
for me, he know a lot about life cycle...
he is just like a mentor to me...(should not say like)
his opinion or thinking about something always far further than my thinking (mature vs childish)
while actually i thought i ed think very far...
he teach me to appreciate people around me...
why our relation become like that???
why i choose to be outsider???
choose to loosing him as my bro & fren is to remind myself about the mistake that i had done...
what mistakes i had done until i choose to loose him???
while i ed choose to forget about the mistakes...
maybe again i m avoiding...
he is much more prefect in my mind...
loosing him is my pain...
my college fren said the most happy moment is the most unforgettable memory when we had lost it...
i think maybe she is rite about it...
this is what he is in my heart,memory and mind...
what am i to him??
to him i think he ed describe bout it on 这种人其实很-i forget is "li hai/ ke pa"...
but i got write it in my others blog wirtten it...
i m saying this is not because of i wan to dig it back...
just this sentences remind me always...
where this sentences also a factor makes me choose to be outsiders with him...
how bout others opinion???
again i m asking for opinion about what ppl think of me...
i know i should not ask...hehe^^

why there is so many ppl asking bout bf stuff???

this month i not sure got how many ppl ask me this question ed... 

i know all of u are caring about me... 

1st vt: when we meet that time...is very surprise me that he asked: soo ping,actually u r single or got bf ed??? my ans: i m still single...ask him y???he said nothing...fine...i know is a caring from u all... 

2nd my sis fren: i go to his saloon to cut hair and he asked me u got bf or not??? i say no and he gave me a face like unbelievable...i ask him y,he said no la...u very friendly...feels u get bf easily... 

3rd my magician teacher: we having our club tshirt ed and he ask me the same question u dun wan buy for ur bf??? and actually is not 1st time he ask me that question... repeated i said no...

4rd: a new fren that i know from my magic club...same question same ans i given... 

why i cant maintain single in my life meh?? actually i feel quite funny... 

izzit we will have a bf once we go to new environment??? for me the new environment that we having maybe is just lack of love so we involve ourself in relation to get attention nor love from someone so that we can get more caring rite??? (got 1 of our sem guy keep change couple with the same sem girls) 

although i know love is caring and sharing with each other no matter in wat environment... 

and i feel love is a difficult meaning for me to know about ... i dint understand well about it at all... (cause i just know love ppl from my hearts and is very hard for me to say out rather than using action to show it)

but honestly i like to see ppl couple...hahaXD (did i having problem???) 

what i can say is still the same... 

my prince is in castle but like a prisoner... (my past blog post on 2009 september)

another malay song that is quite meaningful for me...hahaXD

taxi band- Hujan Kemarin

kemarin ku dengar,
kau ucap kata cinta,
seolah dunia,
bagai di musim semi
chorus 1:
kau datang padaku
membawa luka lama
ku tak ingin seolah
semua seperti dulu.
chorus 2:
tak ingin lagi rasanya ku bercinta
setelah ku rasa perih
kegagalan ini membuat ku tak berdaya
chorus 3:
tak dapat lagi rasanya ku tersenyum,
setelah kau tinggal pergi
biar ku sendiri tanpa hadirmu kini lagi
(repeat chorus 1-3)
ohh..
(chorus 2-3)
ohh...
woahh...
huu...
hujan kemarin

teasing people without caring people feeling are childish...

i had learn to care people feeling when we would like to say something...
i had learn the word of "words are slippery,it hurts people without knowledge"
"words a just like a knife,when you take a knife and cut someone heart,take it out and ask that people: does it hurts???",take it out and said: "no pain ed rite???"...in fact there is still scars over there...
people who dint think of the others feeling are childish,am i rite???
cause i did it the past 3years ago...
--------------------------------------------
what makes me to say about this???
the condition with me now is like this,
last saturday after a talk from a institution about 4.45pm, my friend and i plan to go jusco near our college.
i was rushing out of time cause i having karate on that day at 6pm...
when we step out of the college i think of my lecturer that may pass the same road when he going back...
i called him and ask where is he???
he said he is in front jusco and ask me why??
i said nothing,missed it..
we would like to take a free-by to go jusco..
den he told me:actually i forgot to punch card...
i will be turning back later...
if you all need a free-by den wait me at office...
i said is ok...
we walked first,if you saw us den only you stop and fetch us go...
he said ok...and after that we really saw him...he also fetch us go...
on the way we saw a group of IBI course mates-monica and the gangs....
i actually dunno until the teacher pointed to us...
----------------------------------------------------
after that,this tuesday in lecturer class they keep saying about jusco and someone cried...
said teacher are unfair...
said they will cried also...
actually, people who cried was my dorm mates after taking her quiz and get very low point...(actually she sad not only for her point is because of that teacher teach her with all his heart also...)
cause she feel she making the lecturer sad....so she cried...
and the gangs keep dig things out until the lecturer said "outside stuff, settle outside" with a very serious face...(actually this lecturer always keeps his smile to everyone)
------------------------------------
same day at tuesday nite, we having class with him again...
they still non-stop teasing...
and my face turning dark whole lecture...
teacher realize it and he also care about me...
what i told him by sms is "i m very moody today,i will not smile at you only for today,may i???"
actually,it makes me very angry now...
i really dint hope that lecturer feels like "dunno what to say or do to all of us"
his car is not a van that can fetch all of us to go jusco...
he also feel sorry that he could not fetch them...
but that gangs after class is still the same...
keep teasing and said to lecturer you dun want to fetch them back???
---------------------------------------
actually i success to catch a rat last nite...
after yesterday exam when my gangs and i going to eat tomyam, that gangs start...
out of sudden they very close to us,put their hands on my big size friend and said,
ur dorm catch a big rat rite???
wow,it looks so like you....
now what???
making funny by teasing something that would hurt someone???
actually,my big size friend is the one who cried in the class when getting the quiz result...she easily cried....
-------------------------------------
so, what i should do to that gangs???
dont care about them because they are childish???
will them step on top of us like they step on top of that good lecturer???
with my character,will i let them step on me???

累。。。

许然了解自己的身体状况不能吃冷的食物但还是去吃了。。。
因为maths我很多科目都还没有完成。。。
妈妈打电话来问为什么那么多还没做，我还真是无言。。。
说真的，我都不懂自己每一天在做什么了。。
累的后果〉〉〉pimples so much...
every year,i will say i m tired but i wont give up...
time management i should do it well...
so that everything goes well as i wish...

危险期

我最近去学摩术。。。
那个老师最近也是很EMO。。。
我不懂是不是因为我。。。
所以去向老师说对不起因为我时常没有去。。。（后来才知道其实原因不全是我）
就因为跟他说对不起还有聊了一些有关他失望的地方让我觉得有错觉。。。
他突然跟我拿电话号码。。。
我不好意识就给了他。。。
第二天他就跟我聊了很多。。。
然后说很喜欢看到我还说找一天一起去看戏。。。
他是”回教“ 人。。。
妈妈是华人。。。
他告诉我说，他有跟他妈妈说过要找华人女友。。。
=.=
我真的希望所有的事情都是我想太多。。。
现在这个老师还说要取消魔术班。。。
让我跟我的朋友觉得很伤心。。。
因为我们都知道是因为我们这一代的人让他那么伤心。。。

back to study life...

i really not sure whether my blog still have visitor or not...
is being 3months i dint updated my blog...
after a year that dint touch about education and back to study again,wat was my feeling???
i accept the offer from alpha college...
this week was my 2nd week in this college...
----------------------------------------------
1st day my mum and siblings sent me to this school and the dorm guard (warden) arrange for my hostel...
my brother in law was seremban ppl and we went for dinner with his rich uncle that very welcome me to go his house to stay if i wish to go...
i was crying after playing with my niece cause i know the time is late ed and my family are going home...
after they sent me to hostel and they close my dorm door my tears straight fall without control...
i was telling myself not to cry,must face my mom and family (wave my hand with them and say goodbye...
when i standing outside the window and waiting them to reach their car,i force myself to smile and wave my hand with them...
actually, seremban wasn't far...just need to take for 2 and a half hours to reach klang...
at nite i cry again when think of the moment they left...
i force myself again not to cry cause is a new day for me and i should not having eye swollen to face my lecture and classmates...
there is only 5 chinese include myself out of 71 student...
-----------------------------------------------
2nd day,i still cry at nite and i was thinking that i m too weak...
i wasn't strong enough to control it...
but i still keep my good mood and keep smiling with those new ppl that around me...
i should be independent and friendly with ppl that is new around me...
the next day onwards i had control my eq very well...
until now i can suit myself in ed...
---------------------------------------------
before going to the college i held my 21st birthday party on 11 feb...
is also a farewell party with all ppl around me in klang...
i invite my 1st bro,but he sick and couldn't come to my party....
i was actually plan to celebrate with him this year...
and before 11 feb,my brain and thought is keep calling a ppl that i wish to met after this 3years of avoiding...
the main purpose is not my birthday but is to say thanks a lot to both of them....
although is a bit late,i wish to say
thanks to both of you that makes my life have such a lot of changes....
thanks for all this while accompany and educate me...
thanks for scolding,
thanks for loving me as your sister last time although time cant going back ed...
thanks for caring,
and sorry to make both of you disappointed....
how was my eq now???
i might to say sorry again...
but i had try my best to control all this while although it does not as good as you all...