why human creates problems????

this is a question i asked my tuition teacher...
he also wonder...
but at last he put buddha concept on it...
haiz...
he said because human have too much movement...
he asked me to stay dun move it will wont creates problem...
another question i would like to ask is,
should human live in future or today???
of course i like to live in past and today...
future we just can dream on it...-this is my concept...
haha...
teacher said dream are good...
but a lot of ppl discourage me to dream cause i just know how to wasting time...
and think impossible things...
hehe...

negative thinking???

haha...
actually i not sure what i m thinking now are negative or not....
this morning my friend told me bout her love story...
she said that guy together with her makes her felt like he is sympathy to her...
is her 1st love also...
this few years i trying not to put a real feeling to someone cause scare the more feeling i put the more i got hurt-my hypothesis???
maybe every girl because of her 1st love makes them scare to step in again...
finally,i found 1 that same with me...
so 1st love are important to create a good memory...
love have no ending...
of course i dint hope she have a ending like me....
i remember my friend send a message to me...
the more a ppl trying to protect themselves the more they cant get their true love...
sometimes i really ask myself,how well i know bout love???
i not a pro but just like to know where,how a feeling created???
i remember when i was playing facebook...
it said that my 1st love is near...
so it means the 1st love that i always put inside my heart are fake????
maybe it correct also...
it not consider a 1st love...
cause both of us become couple for half year but dint go dating,dint holds each others hand,anything that couple done we dint done it...
love comes silently inside our heart...
loves comes without any alert...
love are scary in my opinion....
haha...
of course the love i mean is boy and girls...
cause love divide into too many sections...

is a kind of bored movie if you not enjoy it!!!

twilight is a love story between human beings and vampires....(as what i said last post-movie that seen this few days)
it divide into 4chapter in movie!!!
of course what have released now in cinema was twilight new moon...
this story is seems talked about the guy edward cullen cant lost bella but he have to leave her because of his family...
erm,how should i said??
edward dint hope/encourage bella to be one of theirs family...(vampires family)
he don't want bella to lose her soul like him!!!
in the end of story they still together!!!
of course in the process i watch this movie quite a lot of "disturbance"...
so actually i not really enjoy it much..
but as my sister they said,is quite ok...
just for guys that is too too boring(over boring)..
. cause it consists a lot of love story inside...
in the 1st chapter is shown that edward are protecting bella...
in this 2nd chapter is jacob protect bella...
jacob is a wolf...
and they have conflict with vampires(they hate each others species)
he dont want bella to become a vampires...
bella and him is a best friend...
but they together in this 2nd chapter-new moon(i think bella together with him because to forget edward)
as what my sister that had read the books...
bella and edward will have a daughter and their daughter will together with jacob in the last chapter....
so waiting for twilight eclipse(the third chapter)...
http://www.twilightmovie.org/

thanks to those friends that always support me!!!

last few days i scold out a lot of things!!!
haha...
kuso and i always arguing....
so for those who understand both of us they have used to it...
jun hau very smart and clever...
he know every time i have a fight with kuso den no one should come in our topic..
cause that fellow sure let me scold...
yup i admit...
sometimes i really cant breath with all the pressure(even a little pressure)...
den i will burst out...
my EQ low(this wan i know)
haha...
when i have a fight with kuso,a guy that actually not always talk to me but he is still my schoolmates come into kuso and mine topic....
of course everyone that know me well they know i like to scold...
only those 1986 and those old ppl not understand me only(maybe they don't know)...
even now in stpm at dato hamzah some of classmates also scared of me(they don't know me o...)
they said i have a face that stating "no one can touch/talk to me"...
haha...should i feel proud???
yup...
i admit again...
when i get frustrated and angry i will scold anything until i feel good...
so???
maybe you feel i very mischievous...
but i still have friends who know i'm not intention on it...
and some of them have already use to it...
all of them know when i in a good mood you will feel i m a very nice ppl...
but when i m in a bad mood den you will know you meet with a devils....
haha..
that's me...
thanks very much to all that really understand me and support me....(kuso,jh,yf,nixson and etc.)
erm as to my 2nd bro:
you remember before u go back on that day,what have i said???
see it really happened!!!
however thx for everything on that day!!!!

speachless....

last few days my brother wanted to play his on9 game to achieve the catty apple pet that he wanted....
so he said he will play for quite long time...
what i can do is let him play over my time cause i not feel sleepy...
furthermore on that time he play i done my account homework....
after that i gone to sleep for a while...
i remember that time was 1a.m...
maybe i too obsessed bout fantasy world with those superstar movie...
so i continue play after that till 4.30a.m...
but it really overboard...
but for me only fantasy world let me feel protective...
the next day when i come back from playing basketball with friends i found out the cable for the internet been plugged out....
so in 2days time i go with my boring life holiday..
dunno why i dint hope for holiday...
this time holiday i dint hope to work but wish to learn something in account firm...
yesterday night my bro told me that the reason they plugged the cable is because i play to late...
den my younger sister said is because i dint do house work...
den when the time i teach my brother maths and we also said bout the cable this things makes my eldest sister come out to scold me...
she is rite.......
i m not the want to pay the money for computer and streamyx...
i make all of them cannot play internet...
ask me if i got the ability go buy laptop and broadband la!!!
den she continue that i always see the movie until no need study...
i think study this word is the main word gua???
study???
actually i dint hope to study anymore...
my sister cant realize my mother wish so they put all their hope on me...
sometime this hope really makes me cant breath at all...
so i post on my facebook wall bout how i felt...
of course a lot of ppl trying to advice me...
that part i know...
yup...
i agree their are family...
just wish for good on me...
want me to be a good baby...
but now holiday started...
just finish up my exam...
cant i have a chance to do whatever things i want???
i know now my image become bad in everyone eyes...
actually i dont mind...
especially someone that wrote in his blog trying to said bout me..
cause he not my anyone anymore....

my family....

today suddenly makes me wanted to write bout my family...
maybe because of my father...
hehe...
i still cold war with my mother...
ok la...
1st to introduce of course is my dad...
my dad is a very stubborn people,bad temper,big man attitude...
all family members not dare to talk to my father...
even if we talk also said:dad today not going to school,dad you wan eat?(even this word will get scold sometime),whatever our topic will not more than 25words....today when i was coming back from tuition i saw he standing alone outside looked at a cat...when i wanted to enter house,don't know who locks the gate for him...but i think he dint brought his key out cause he not looks like going out or coming back from somewhere else...then at night after he taking his bath he just sit alone inside his room waiting us to serve him...normally he will watch television but because his room television broke down,so he looks so alone inside a room...i felt he quite pity...his own child not talk to him...felt like we abandon him...but actually we just really not dare to talk to him...cause every time will get scold from him....T_T

my mum is stubborn people also,bad temper also,mischievous,like to criticize,insult someone if she hated that people or cold war with that people...

my eldest sister is not that stubborn,sometime will hear what i said,a example for me cause when she was at my age now,she also having same problem like me...don't know which stream to choose...on that time she felt account job is a quite good job cause every where need account but actually her interest is more on physics and geography...although she dint study physics before but when she always hear what my sister said bout physics then she will always said she regret not to take that subject...

my 2nd sister stubborn but not as my father cause i remember she still hear what i comment bout her loves world...i remember that time was when i form 4,she couple with a drunker that always abandon her when at pub,always bring her to pub but she always back home herself...everyone not support her with this guy but she still insist until cold war with all members except me...1day i realize she back with her looks like a lot of thing to thinks...so i asking her,and advice by giving all family members point...i m not support but i m not makes any objection also....is up to her if she still want to be with him...of course finally she hear what have god told her and break with that guy...her husband now treat her quite good,everyone supports,cause that guy wont abandon her,or bring her to pub...

then is me...stubborn,bad temper,like to think nonsense,like to have a cat fight,lazy sister,always makes argument with family members...i cant find out my own positive attitude...for them my duty is study,they believe i can earn much....actually looking at my family finance problem,i dont have feel to study....cause i felt my study just a big spending for them...

my youngest sister...she likes to live in fantasy,thinks fantasy,always not takes serious bout everything around her...a good money keeper...

my little brother...how to said bout him???dont like people to control him...don't like people repeat the same things to him(what my mother always did),anything bout study things also don't know...cause he don't like study...that's it...my family member....

some of my post always said bout brother,actually is my friends....
hehe...

god also love me....

haha...
today exam when i was just woke up from sleep suddenly have student come in and give to my teacher....
my teacher spoke out a name...
that's my name...
firstly i quite scare i getting warning letter cause i have quite a long time play truant...
but when the teacher give me the letter i have a smile on my face...
cause actually god love me too...
i got scholarship....
haha...
last time when teacher spoke those student name who got scholarship it doesn't have my name...
so i quite worry if i cant get...
but now...
haha...
i can but my school shoe and those pengajian perniagaan books and those book that i dint have...
of course my entertainment part also no need to worry....
but at least i can save my mother money from buying my school things...
erm,
actually i still cold war with my mum...
haizzz....

i m kidz...

i m just a big kids...
so????
sometime really hope to go back to childhood days...
without any worries....
childish thinking isn't?
haha...
today my friend said:you hear music until so loud dint scare you deaf a???
my thinking is music is part of my life,my soul...
human relation,gossip,criticize are the most dangerous world...
so if deaf can let me not to hear those things then i willing to be deaf...
i remember i told my teacher about this before...
but of course when we deaf then only we will hope to hear the sound of nature again....
i think this is how the word regret comes....

sometimes fantasy makes people happier than reality...

actually this blog is the place where i release all my unhappy things....
but slowly it become my avoiding place...
avoid is not a solution but however sometime avoid can make me feel better...
let time to flow with it....
sometimes fantasy makes human being more happier than reality...
i like to live in fantasy world now...
live with my superstar....
although i know it wont be real,but at least can makes me happier than live in reality...
maybe it will become a way of avoiding,but at least it makes me happy...
why not???
why i need to change to someone that stress me???
why i cannot be myself??
this few days i dint updates blog because i only updates in the other blogs...
the reason why i updates the other blogs cause i lost my brother last few weeks...
forgotten when....
hehe...

can't,don't want and want

what the difference between this 3 words?
can't,don't want,want....
i hope i can be stewardess but i cant do it rite now....
cause i still studying,and my height doesn't reach that condition...
this is what i want...
everyday study is not the things i want....
that is the things that i don't want....
but i cant stop....
this is because my mother hope in this family got someone that can realize her dream...
she want to saw her daughters or son to get a high education eg:degree post(minimum)...
i cant obey her....
she put a lot of hope on me...
so what i can do?
what i can do now is do somethings that i don't want to do and keep my dream in my heart and mind...
not because i don't want to put effort on my dream...
is because i have the responsibilities to realize my mother dream...
not because i just know how to dream,is i just can dream for it....
that is the only things i can do....

stubborness

stubbornness have ate me a lot...
wish for freedom also killed me for several times.....
again and again same things happened...
today when i ate my lunch,i suddenly have a flashbacks....
i felt i been gone through...
feels very familiar...
maybe i dream this before...
i really don't know what to do...
the last blog yesterday i post,but just for a while i delete it...
cause i scared i will get scold again..
today i also met with my school teacher...
she consult me a lot...
thx very much...
but she also reminds me about the 'essay' i wrote last time...
that really embarrassing me....
whatever thx for everyone that been consult me...

noisy a!!!!!!!!!!!!!

such a sound pollution!!!!
i hate all my surrounding....
i hate them....
even they are my family!!!!
if this computer doesn't exist i will still sleep late....
cause i still have my way to sleep late...
if they force me not having fun in this house i will go outside find my own fun...
i force them wor....
i dint study????
will throw all my books outside????
i'm studying....
1week study 5days...
every morning....
1 week tuition 4days...
did i skip my tuition???
throw my books out???
throw la!!!!
i also don't like to study in form 6.....
i wish i can stay outside...
i don't like been control by people....
family????
what is that???
stay outside??
i'm glad to be there!!!

vteng

today only i found out that he(vteng) written his blog...
poor kids...
after reading his blog i cried suddenly....
although it was in chinese word...
but at least i can read most of the word....
i don't know izzit because of the song he put to make me cry or his story...
but what i can said is your song match to your feeling...
the pic that you put also match to how you miss on her...
waiting for someone that is very suffering for me...
so i wont be same like you....
maybe i dint really love someone before...
but whatever good luck,gambateh, and the most want is be happy...
even you always laugh but please laugh in beneath of your heart...
and i very sorry...
i fail to be your friends..

今天我才发现我的朋友写了blog。。。
可怜的孩子为了爱情。。。
读完他的blog我突然哭了。。。
我不懂他哭了多少次。。。
我不懂是不是他的blog的歌然我哭还是他的故事。。。
我只能说你的歌，你的故事，你的pic都让我感受到了你对她的思念。。。
等待对我来说是一种痛苦。。。
所以，我不会像你一样。。。
或许我没有真正爱过一个人吧。。。
许然你每一次都带着微笑，可是我真的希望你的笑是自从你真正的心。。。
对不起。。。
当了你最没用的朋友。。。。

stupid brother complain again

sometime i really hate my brother....
before this my house doesn't have computer he complain that this house very boring always wanted to go my cousin house...
now this house got computer he complain that this computer not good...
always take windows xp and vista to compared...
maybe they dint remind themselves that this computer we just spend for rm1500....
what he expect for?
so hoping for a computer like my cousin want,spend himself la...
not complain for windows then will complain bout the speaker....
said that speaker no bass...
dint produce a better sound...
he thought his own family is what?
rich family a?
i really cant stand his attitude like this...

movie that seen this few days

twilight!!!!!!!!!
what a best vampire movie....
this movie talks about love between vampire and human being...
the male actress edward cullen control himself not to fall in love on a girl name called bella...
the male actress edward cullen can read what human thought only he cant read what bella thought...
with full of curious on her and protective her with all he can put in...
now maybe there will have the next movie about twilight will on 20th november 2009...
i just wondering will it been released in malaysia or not...
erm,another want is my lucky star 放羊的星星。。。
although it is a old stories but i still like that jimmy lam....
he is so handsome and so cutie...
haha...
even he is now 36 years old....
this stories tell us a lot of type of love in this world...
makes my every family member cried whenever they saw until the main actress because of misunderstanding not together and the male actress force himself to hates the female actress that he loved...
cause he thought the female actress caused the death of male actress brother...
so he keep finding her for revenge and wanted to know what had happening on that accident day....
this 2movie makes me very mad on it....
loves that bring a lot of meaning....
protective,caring and scarification on both sides,all of these just loves and doesn't hope for any rebound from their beloved...
hehe...
anyway, movie is not a realistic world is just fantasy world...
i can only dream for it when i sleep...
caused in real world doesn't exist...
if exist also not belong to me....
so appreciate who you loved...

i don't know my own ability....

last saturday i having my business studies class....
the teacher ask all students..
did you have confidence?
my ans no...
what is your ability?
i said don't know.....
i really don't know my ability...
i don't know what to do after out of studies world...
if i can get into university then i study business admin but i hope to work at air port department....
cause my friends said that department quite high salary...
or i will find company to work...
if i don't get into university then i will try my very best on stewardess...
although i know myself is short...
actually what i really want?
i just hope to work something that is interesting,can study a lot of things and not always doing the same things every time,every days...
i hope to have a busy life so that i wont think rubbish...
this few days hate study...
cause very tired...
and my mum keep on pushing me....
no breath whenever she wanted to start her topic bout studies....
having argument with her this few days...
and cold war now...
i believe just for a while only....

stupid question for muet...

today muet(malaysia university english test) exam...
felt myself will fail....
cause that question ask:
young people break laws,and my task is:sent them to jail,how does it help them...
i really blank....
i don't know what i should prepared before my speaking start...
what come to my mind i just said out...
after that is group discussion...
i like group discussion more than individual....
really wonder what i get for this speaking...
although speaking is over,but final exam is coming...
and muet others exam(listening,reading and writing) is on 7th november....
i really hope i can get bank 4...minimum bank 3....
then i will very happy...
haha...

assignment month

this whole month i just can think of assignment....
2weeks holiday in this month are not a holiday for me....
in this 2weeks holiday i just busy finding picture for my business planning project....
of course besides than that i also search for any information bout global warming for my general knowledge assignment...
my general knowledge assignment divide into 2:
individual assignment and group assignment...
actually,i quite satisfied with all the assignment i have done...
cause i done it with all my best...
almost 95% i put my effort on it although i done it last minutes....
my house dint have computer so i have to run here and there to ny cousin house....
this is the most tired things than i crack my head on doing assignment.....
cause with that old fashion and no air-condition car let me feel like going for sauna....
so sometimes i rather delay it than going out with hot suns.....
why father dont wan to trade in that car and change viva?
of course 1st things we need to consider is who will be the one to pay it every month?
2nd that car is my father 1st car and if i not mistaken is my grandma give it as present to him...
actually i like that car also la...
cause other drivers scare me..
haha....
and if i accident or any bending no need to repair...
just i hate it when the weather is hot...
to repair that ac i think it very costly...
but i think is ok la..
cause i just drive for 2years?
dunno...
let it natural....

open house party...

erm,having open house party yesterday....
felt my house too small cause too many ppl are coming....
hehe....
quite fun actually....
a lot of suprise also....
all my family very suprise that my bro can talk wit my friends....(that older than him for 10years)
even my cousin that very close to him,he also dint talk to him...
just stay with my friend....
is quite busy yesterday...
too many groups of friends....
i have to split into 2....
haha....
sum of my friends even dint have the chance to eat....
but i told them sure got something to eat....
really feel sorry to them...
but at the end i really very suprise that actually neo and the gang can have a talk with my bro(my 3rd bro)...
i thought they came from different group...
haha...
sei hong ask me if neo wan to tackle me,will i give him a chance again...
what i can ans is just i scared same things will happened again...
i scared his heart not belong to me...
only his body with me...
but if he really have a heart to be with me den i will consider...
cause if the person like you more than you like him den is more happiness isn'it?
haizz...
but quite happy la....
with the ending...

red thread?

last time i watch a movie called akai ito(japanese movie)...
akai ito=red thread...
this movie says about everyone have own red thread....
the end of this red thread will chain to another ppl....
no matter what happened this red thread wont break...
this red thread are invisible...
and human being will meet up with a certain amount of ppl only they can meet with this end red thread ppl...
and this is what we called destiny...
i think so la...
but i think maybe some will dint have their red thread...
or the red thread dint chain to anyone....
whatever,i believe another end of the thread are the ppl who i known them as prince and princess...
the 1st met maybe is nothing..
the 2nd met is what the movie known was destiny...
for me...
1st met is nothing...
2nd met is coincide...
3rd met is destiny....
sometime even that the end of red thread ppl passed by us we also dunno bout it...
so,when actually we can saw our prince and princess?

prince in castle or prison?

actually everyone are prince and princess...
everyone are waiting for their partner for life...
last saturday my pp tuition said that everyone have personality and locus...
to become a business man/woman they divide to 2 locus...
1 is inner locus...
this inner locus is ppl who are quite and analyse at the side...addition they believe themselves...
another locus is outer locus...
this outer locus is ppl who are like to talk and they are more suitable in marketing field...addition they believe in surrounding....
when the class going to end i ask teacher...
"sir,in 1 human being does it exists both of it?"
the teacher said yes..
and what he can see from me is both also got...
he said i more to inner locus...
actually i have a arguement with him...
after all the students when out i ask teacher again...
whether he believe in horoscopes?
he said he got analyse a bit a bit...
he ask how bout me?
i told him of course...
later he ask me when is my birthday?
when i told him,he ask me another question...
"are you a rich girl?"
i was laughing and i said no...
den he request to see my palm...
he said he dint see wrong...
and ask me the same question for 2nd time....
then he said "you will be rich ppl..."
and he told me to take account in future....
and then he ask me another question..."did you have boyfriend?"
i say no..
den he said that is better...
cause according to what he see i cannot have boyfriend cause those guys will cheat on me only...
actually everyone can be rich if they work hard...
haha...
and bout my love world then i should ask "is my prince in castle or prison?"
he or me become invisible?
or he just have his reason?
or he live in castle that he cant come out through there like a prisoner?

misunderstand again

my august 26th blog make an misunderstand for my brother....
actually that time i just think too much...
does not related to him anything....
what he teach me to think for life is awesome....
maybe that day i too compare myself with him...
but i just thinking that why life cant be simple?
actually life is simple isn't it?
but i just too greedy hope to have his ability...
his ability to think for the others...

a lot of homework a!!!!!

a lot of assignment need to do...
no matter on school homework or tuition...
just high like a hill...
exam is around the corner also....
i think this 2months will be very very busy...
assignment,mostly on all the subject i taken accept account...
so friends and readers,maybe i will not updates my blogs for quite a long time but maybe will...
cause i have to search for data in internet den i will updates...
hehe...
not sure la...
if something special happened on me den i will updates...
and to my friends that always go out with me,sorry maybe i will seldom go out wit you all ed....
but you all can have a try to ask me den i try to arrange but tell me earlier if wan me
out cause i need to arrange my time...
hehe....
sorry ya...

far far away

ability is far...
thinking is childish....
dunno why all rubbish inside my brain....
why human have ability know how to think?
why god give brain to human to have thinking?
why we should growth?
why there is so many type of human?
why there is so many type of thinking about 1things?
why there is so many why question in my brain?
why my brain just know how to think rubbish?
why there is a term of negative thinking and positive thinking?
why there is positive ppl and negative ppl?
how to be neutral?
why have to think so much?
why will regret?
all why why why......

爱情是什么?

如果人家不爱你那么我们是不是应该放弃他?
坚持下去就会有好结果吗?
或许他是你的/想要的白马王子可是如果他不爱你那你该怎么做?
等待是痛苦也是幸福的...
loves someone that dint like you is suffer,someone that loves you is happiness...
is better to choose someone that loves you more than you loves him/her...
make him/her feel trouble because of you,you will feel sad but how about set him/her free?
let him free to like who is loves...
let him slowly to forget who they love....
no use to rush...
it takes time...
and maybe he is not your prince...
if he is not your prince how?
just let it be naturally...
looking the beloved happy tell yourself must be happy without him in your world too...
if my beloved happy i will happy that is my concept....

life really like a mountain.....

life like a mountain....
we have to climb up to the top to see the best view he had ever seen...
but in the process to climb up,i think we have to face a lot of difficulties....
how about life?
how long we will have push to get this best view?
no life is easy...
i met my primary school teacher...
he is the best teacher and treat me like his daughter...
although he already retired but he has a tuition center...
he told me he is tired but he happy...
cause he like to teach...
change the position to me...
study is a occupation for me...
i m not happy of study....
i don't know why....
to find why i think it will be a excuse for me....
i don't know is because of this dato hamzah school or what...
what i know is my mum really hope i can get a degree...
study at this school make me suffer....
but i think maybe i should think positive...
just about 1year and a month at this school...
will the time past very fast?
after stpm den is working experience...
we really need to go through a lot of difficulties to get the best view...

i not sure wat i wan to be in the future!!!!

what i m sure is i plan to take business admin...
but i still hope to try on air crew..
air crew can let me earn more in 1month...
my father on 4 July said out his problems to my uncle(his bro)...
he say out how his boss treat him and how he keep on in his company...
cause he worry he dint have this job and 2nd he worry bout me...
he said if i go to university need money again...
den all his sister and bro ask him not to worry cause i now form 6 and if i got a good result government will support...
actually when i heard that he worry bout me, i m thinking bout should i sad or happy?
happy because he worry bout me?
and sad because i make him keep on in his stupid and cruel company?
i also very sad that if i can out to work now den he can think off retirement....
but he cant cause i cant out to work...
he ed 55++...
i know my mother not encourage me to work while study cause they scare i not concentrating on studies...
for quite a long time i think off if i come out to work den they will have a easily life ed....
all just wait for me....
why dun just let me go to air crew den only continue study le?
but i know i should not...
i will try my best to study in form 6,continue with admin den takes air crew...
if i success to be air crew,bout 4-5 years time i will back to continue experience in business...
but i dint plan to open a business...
and if my height is enough to go to jakarta air lines den i will go..
cause my cousin told me that she can keep a lot of money over there cause dint have entertainment at there...
dunno la....
this is just a dream...
but we can makes dream come true rite?
if i cant be air crew den i will concentrate in business field ed...
just wait for 5years+++....
i wan to be a useful family member...

schooling days

damn damn boring at skul...
everyday going to skul wit boring period...
the teacher just know how to give homework....
homework,homework and homework...
is today do,tomolo pass up....
wat the hell i going into?
but is a good challenging...
not bad...
practice makes prefect...
but i always late or the next day only i pass up the homework...
cause i forgotten the homework...
hehe...
this few day very easy to forget something...
haha...
old liao...
have to admit...

old folks home

today i go wit my bro and fren to old folks....
wat i hope is if the time given to me is longer den today i will be very happy to help...
actually maybe because today got club that come to that old folks make us cant do a lot of things....
but wat i can sure for today that not enough time is because of me...
i having tuition on 12.30p.m so is a difficulty to stay longer....
the aunty that manage the old folks keep on repeating my 3rd bro name...
guess she miss him also gua...
haha...
nothing special that happen...
just keep cleaning the windows...
not a difficult things for me....
but if change me to stay at there i will feel boring....
for me i dint feel any entertainment but maybe for the old folks a little entertain could makes them happy...
i can see they smile when the club is making them happy....
but i dunno wat club is it....
the only club that is under NGO and i know is rotary club...
actually,this year only i know that rotary is under NGO(non government organization) to help the publics that need help...
no wonder they always wan us(interact club to pay concern on all the activity that related bout community,international and funding...
actually,funding is important for us to make a project like sending the rice to Myanmar that had been done and adopt child ....
but now ed had pass for me...
as in my year i had done a lot of funding to makes sure they can do their international understanding programme...
they had successfully done and the best i.u day i had ever seen...
well done my interactors...
you dint makes me feel wasted to make so much of fund this few year for you all...
but of course i hope the next board of directors,can do more on charity...
dun be useless club in the skul...
learn how to communicates...(i heard a lot of things happen because you'll dunno how to communicate)
rotarian are helpful to us...
stay active...
actually quite miss it...
i can join rotaract if i wan but the time they meeting is clash wit my tuition....
hehe...
join them when i out of study world....

i m studying!!!!

haizz....
my fren that sit beside me told me on friday that she heard someone said i dint study ed....
my fren told them that i just sit beside her and she hope i dint sit beside her also....
and she told me that someone spread the news that she same class wit a boy called lam chee tong(hateful guy...)
this guy not only my fren and i,can said almost all secondary skul fren hate him...
actually wat i sad is my fren actually really not hoping to sit beside me...
makes me wonder why she wan follow me change to others skul....
stay at star(sekolah tengku ampuan rahimah,klang) more better...
i m thnking she just kidding wit me or wat....
i very curious to know is who is that stupid ppl who spread this news...
i keep on asking her,she told me how she know?
den i ask yf,she said is my fren herself that spread...
den wat i wonder is why she spread....
she dun wan me to sit beside her?
but whatever it is,i dun wan care this matter...
i will still thought she is my fren but not so close wan....
no matter she thought me is or not....
maybe will classified her as my classmates ba....

new life.new environment

gonna move in this 21st jun....
from bukit tinggi to klang...
had to say bye bye wit frens and if we have that chance to meet we will meet one day...
my timetable is fully packed...
Monday:tuition(if Thursday 1st classes i manage to go den it will be cancel)
Tuesday: tuition
Wednesday:tuition
Thursday:tuition
Friday:off
sat:tuition and maybe have to work if i get it...
sun:tuition and maybe have to work also...
so that my full packed timetable...
and if really can have a work den it will be at klang also....
i dun wan to work de but my family maybe cant afford too much liao....
actually i really hope to concentrate on my studies....
but no ideas....
have to work to cover ny own financial problem....
be strong....
nothing will influence me on study.....
study now is my life...
i should gambateh...

love

The sun itself sees not till heaven clears-william shakespeare line 12 in sonnet 148
this word actually i learn from the movie the prince and me...
and it tells me love blind you when you involved...
so just go ahead if you really like her/him...
dun give whole of rubbish reason not to chase after her/him...
1things you have to ask yourself is did you like her?
and if the ans yes den just chase after her/him...
dun give other reason that said she/he dun like you la,cause my brothers/buddy girl la...or any others reason...
if you really think of your buddy and when you know that you like her this things happen ed you should control yourself not to put any hope or too close wit her/him ed ma...
but you still choose to close wit her/him,is ed clear that you wan chase after her/him lo...
dun take reason that sound you wan to help your buddy and dunno this kind of things happen....
if your buddy wan to chase a girl/boy,i think he/she more hope themselves chase after their love wan by their own not by helping lo....
and their love wan only can feel his/her sincerity to chase after them ma...
some will use the new love to forget the old wan but some not...
some will give reason say that he/she not yet forget their past love...
maybe some yes maybe some no....
that depends on the ppl heart...
they know themselves...
but hiding in the past not a reason for you and not a solutions for you to solve your love problems....
just face,just chase,just together but dun say yourself stupid....
this is you willing...
and dun say u sad or sacrifice a lot...
is you willing...
remember that...
if you keep on pull and push,just makes other ppl surrounding you suffer an sad....
and when the times pass by ppl surround you ed feel cold wit the relation you always pull and push...
love is not concern bout longevity is concern bout the process or experience-wat i pick up from when dogs falls in love to a cat(hong kong movie)...
maybe readers you will feel i always copy here and there,but i felt all the words are correct when the condition comes to you....
cause of his/her bad attitude you argue....
cause he/she say want you to change den only will tackle he/she,you angry again....
it means you all still concern bout each other but just putting all rubbish reason inside...
maybe he/she angry point are not the same....
but you all are still concern bout each other wat.....
wat faults wan to argue here and there...
to build the feeling izzit?
i dunno...
i not expert in love....

calling

she called me after read the message...
she said she had ntg to say..
of course ntg to say la...
den she ask me when she using me...
i ask her back why she wan to follow ah foo....
the reason she gave me is cause she thought i like ah foo very much...
and heard that i say i wanna try to have relation wit him...
wat i ans her is if i really wan to be wit him also no need like that....
i know how worst is him and i wont put myself into HELL....
come on is i m the 1 say that he is playboy den i together wit him a?
i m not that stupid...
another reason she told me was cause on that day ntg to do so ma follow him lo...
den i say you can send me back den only go wit my bro wherever you like wat...
why must i between you all...
i wait for her ans ,she cried and cried...and i say if i wan to try have a relation wit him also cause i wan to forget someone only....
dun say i like someone that you like and u try to make me and him also a?
she say no lo...
den i say that's y lo...
dun touch each other relation ed..
your love world not mine and my love worlds not yours...
i really very tired to advice her anything....
too many times ed...
not only i advice but v teng also got advice...
but still dint change...
sienzzz...

the message.....

this is the message i sent to my 'best fren' seems she dint stop me to write this for readers to read....
and she wan someone to know everything....
den i told someone everything la....
total 3message i had send to her...:
1st:
i really dunno how to say bout you....every time i say bout you,you will make angry face to me....
this time i really angry and you thought i angry bout you and kk because of ah foo...you too not understand me...so was i...not understand you also...ask in deep of your heart...you really like dua jiak or you ed like kk...?if you really like dua jiak you wont be so close wit kk....the good reason is scare dua jiak will misunderstand you and kk...dun say that you dint close wit kk in front of dua jiak..if you say is kk wan to close wit you den you should keep a distance ..cause to avoid misunderstanding....you can use any guy you like but not my brothers....use your real heart to love them not to use them...if not you wont find your truth love...every relation around you,just using the guy to pay anything you wan...is them stupid?i not your doll keep on using me...i angry is cause i be transparent....-that is 1st message-
2nd message:
pls wake up....dun cheat dun pretend...when everyone told me that you are using me,i dint believe and keep on give you chance...but i really disappointed on you....maybe is cause of your mum and dad relation cause you scare to accept a relation but happiness is not the way you do now...if someone is better den kk and dua jiak i think you will choose that guy rather my bro...cause the other guy can give you more money for you to spend...if like that,den your heart can easily been buy by the guys...simple word...CHEAP and PLAYGIRL....no matter wat....your love world not mines....so was i...my love worlds not yours...why wan follow ah foo on that day?so that next time i know how to find him a?no need...i can ask him to bring me to his house if i got relation wit him....or is you wan to know .....why...he is ur next target izzit?wat hell are u thinking of?
3rd message:
you know i very close wit bt...if you really have heart wan to be my sincere fren den you should find her to help you..i clearly tell you the point i angry about is on that day before i really get angry you as my 'best fren' dunno i angry and try to make joke wit me....you thought i really not dare to throw that food a...i throw that food not cause of yao yeng is cause i really angry bout you all ed...i keep on repeating that i tuition next day and you all just thought as wind blow...at behind you all i just be transparent...if like that next time dun call me out...i not transparent...think yourself...are you really like my bro....which bro...your eldest bro teach you to lie on guy...i think before your bro teach you ed know how to lie on guy and use them...just complain to anyone you like..i dint care...really understand me wont get along wit you....
that's all the message...
i feel myself too cruel to say on my 'blur fren'...
sorry...
will be continue wit calling...

transparent

i got go out to watch movie 1 day wit my 'best fren','my bro', and my subang fren ah foo....

my bro ask me to bought for his boss...

i ask my sis to bought it....

she told me that she bought all is at 11.45p.m...

but the ticket she bought for his boss is 11p.m....

so i just keep on saying sorry to his boss....

i tell my bro wat happening...

but den we when to watch our movie...

at the early movie my bro and best fren go to sit couple sit...

maybe they just wan to watch me and ah foo got anything at below them or not....

i dunno...

after watching i told ah foo to go back i will ask my bro to send me back....

that is before going to car park....

after going to car park i when inside my bro car but i not sure that ah foo know how to go out or not...

so i when down and ask ah foo cause his car just in front us....

when i ask him that time,my bro shout at behind to call him go for a drink....
ah foo dint hear that....
so i dint tell ah foo....
cause wan let him go back earlier he working the next day...
i went back to my bro car...
he ask me how...
i told him that i dint tell him and i state the reason for my bro also...
den he ask us where we wan to go....
so i told him to go back cause i having tuition the next day....
but my best fren said follow him,and my bro really follow and dint care wat i say....
haizz...
on the way they follow him i ask my bro why wan follow him and wat he said is cause got someone ask him to follow ah foo...
and on the way i keep on saying i wanted to go back...
at last,when near subang there ed,he ask my fren 1question... that is,she got said meh?
wat means?
wat i said on the way is just a wind blow la...
i really feel very angry bout this...
and my fren just dint say anything....
after they nearly at ah foo house ed,foo called me and ask me wat we really wan..?
i ask them and they said have a drink...
and we went to asia cafe...
my mum called me that time...
scolding me,warning me and said start tomolo i cannot go out ed...
i told them wat my mum said and they said lucky they just order 'bali tong'...
but is large plate...
in 1 table wit 4 ppl only my best fren know how to eat...
ah foo, me wont eat...
and my bro dunno how to eat also...
i told them i wan to back before 3a.m...
my bro said ok lo...2.50 only back...
i was really have a shock he tell me that...
and i try to warn him that i wan back at 2.45...
i told them to finish the food at 2.30 if not i will throw that...
my bro say that movement will be very slow...
i said i will be very fast if i just throw it on the floor...
my best fren and my bro thought i just wan to be yao yeng in front of ah foo...
cause when i said that both of them said wah,yao yeng o....
shit...
they dunno that i really angry...
after ah foo drink finish his drinks,i ask him to go back...
after they said yao yeng this word i keep quite and dint have a talk wit them..
and show a face that i really angry ed...
when ah foo back that time,my bro try to talk to me...
and when the time near 2.30a.m,they go back to the stall they order and tell them to pack...
after ah foo left the table,he told me that he still at outside wait for me...ask me dun worry they will fetch me back on time...
that time my phone had no credit and i too angry until i dun wan borrow phone from them...
at 2.45a.m foo called me are they sending me back ed.?
i said yes...and where is him?
he told me he still at outside...
i really feel sorry to him...
on the way walk back to my house,my bro follow me...
i talk also dint talk to him,see also dint see him just close the door...
after few days,i send a massage to my fren...
it will be my next topic of my blog...
will update for you all next time...
pls comment wat you all think if is you for this topic of blog..?

last day

my granpa and grandma 3years today...
they said we need to using steel to knock until make a lot of noise...
but i was so stupid knock until my hand is hurt...
after today i does'nt have any granpa and grandma ed...
both side of my father and mother also pass away ed!!!
so miss to have them again...
but this few day hope to go back to study...
yet dunno wan to study wat...
business admin?
international business?
public relation?
hotel management?-i dun think it suit me...
can give any comment...?